The Affirmation That Changed My Life

By Harv Bishop

During a long dating dry spell about 15 years ago, my spiritual teacher and friend Rabbi Howard (Henoch Dov) Hoffman looked at me and said with great confidence, “Someday I’ll dance at your wedding.”

My internal dialogue went something like this: “Nice thought, but with all due respect the way things are going may I ask, ‘What planet are you living on?’”

At that time I thought I needed to be perfect to be loved. But I knew I was far from perfect and as a result didn’t particularly trust myself or others. Still, his seemingly non sequitur affirmation/prayer/prophecy stuck with me.

A few years earlier this lapsed Catholic from the suburbs met this independent, modern-minded Hassidic rabbi and kabbalist from Denver’s east side who teaches what he calls “the Torah of mistakes.” It is through learning from our imperfections and mistakes that we discover our inner Divine worth and open ourselves to others. But that requires letting go, not an easy road for someone with trust issues.

One of the unexpected ways he taught me to let go was through a whirling Sufi Dervish dance.

That this bearded, bespectacled Hassidic rebbe teaches by drawing from the mystical tradition of Islam and other faiths is not surprising. He is a long-time participant in the Common Heart interfaith dialogues at a Catholic monastery in Snowmass, Colorado where he often prays with a Muslim imam. Rabbi Hoffman says that mystical Judaism, correctly understood, is in some ways closer to Buddhism and the traditions of the East than to Christianity.

There is also a crucial difference with those traditions, he adds. Judaism stresses embracing worldly life rather than a “solitary mystic” approach to spirituality. Mystical experience through meditation is not seen as an end in itself, but instead as an anchor in the ongoing dance between the Ultimate Reality of Oneness and L’Chaim–   the crazy quilt of creation and our physical lives marked by our uniqueness. In this world the obvious downside of diversity is conflict. The upside is creativity and learning from each other.

Hashem (literally “the Name”) is used by orthodox Jews instead of G-d to denote this Ultimate Reality of Oneness because it is believed that no single word can possibly convey its meaning.

Spin Faster

“Plant your right foot on the floor,” says Rabbi Hoffman. “Hold your hand in front of your eyes. Push yourself in a circle with your left foot. Spin faster as you are comfortable. You must focus entirely on the palm of your hand or you will get dizzy. Don’t lose focus.”

He begins to whirl at a high rate of speed. I join him, cautiously at first, eventually circling faster, losing myself until becoming self-conscious and then dizzy.

“What’s Shabbat and what’s the week?” Rabbi Hoffman asks as I prop myself up against the wall.

“Shabbat is the focus on my hand,” I answer. “The week is…” I circle my head with my hand to indicate the dizziness. He nods, adding, “When we are going through the motion of the week we have to keep our focus on the Ultimate Reality.”

Rabbi Hoffman believes that the essence of Judaism is found in this dance between the physical and the non-physical. “If you just look at the parts,” he says, “the parts can be found other traditions. But Judaism brings them together in a very unique way.”

Weaving together the parts

In his teaching sessions, Rabbi Hoffman begins with seemingly unrelated elements, ultimately weaving together the parts like an improvisational jazz musician in order to teach a life lesson.

This particular lesson included King David’s loincloth-clad ecstatic dance before Hashem, as recorded in second Samuel.

David’s wife Michal disdains his “crazy dancing.” The text tells of her looking out the window and seeing “King David leaping and dancing before Hashem, and she was contemptuous of him in her heart.”

“How honored was the King of Israel today,” she asks David with contempt, “who exposed himself today in the eyes of his servant’s maidservants, as one of the boors might expose himself!”

“Could you dance like King David?” Rabbi Hoffman asks me.

“Maybe,” I reply.

“Go ahead and do it,” said Rabbi Hoffman. “Dance.”

“Now?”

“Right now. Get up and dance.”

“I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?”

“I don’t want to look foolish.”

The rabbi nodded with understanding.

“What is foolish is the voice of conformity,” he said. “To find G-d we need to step out and that will never be found in conventional approval.”

In Rabbi Hoffman’s worldview one of our most frequent mistakes is to judge others or ourselves without looking beneath surface appearances to the qualities of the soul.

“Being emotionally present,” said Rabbi Hoffman “is the symbol of the dance. Being emotionally present to others and ourselves is what protects us from depression, anger and rigidity. Pain and fear leave us defended. We guard and protect the empty space. That creates a wall between ourselves and G-d and other people.”

“Is this like the Zen master filling a tea cup to the brim” I ask,“and then asking the student to find a way to pour more in order to show that we need to be empty to allow ourselves to learn?”

The empty cup

“Our perceptions can become rigid and blocked,” answers Rabbi Hoffman. “We need that empty space so that we can have an open perception to engage the world. The empty cup is about letting go of control and ego. That’s what David was able to do with his dancing. He was able to let go and open his perception to his inner Divinity and nobility.”

“David’s ‘crazy dancing’ is symbolic of a process we all need to undertake. Intimacy with Hashem and other people requires letting go and this can look silly.”

This idea of letting go to find our inner Divinity and nobility is what ties “crazy dancing” to Shabbat, the day of letting go, says Rabbi Hoffman.

“If you don’t want to look like a fool,” says Rabbi Hoffman, “you can’t be a Jew.”

In the intervening years I internalized Rabbi Hoffman’s lessons, became more comfortable in my skin, befriended my mistakes, and became more emotionally present with others. And met my Beloved Diane in 2008. And the Rabbi’s prophecy/prayer/affirmation/prayer/prophecy manifested when I married Diane in 2012.

The rabbi blessed us at our wedding.

Then the rabbi and I danced a whirling dance, our arms and eyes locked. This time I did not get dizzy or feel foolish. As the rabbi said, our celebratory dance revealed Heaven on earth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rabbi Hoffman appears in this book based on the interreligious dialogues at Snowmass Monastery  with a forward by Ken Wilber. It is available at Amazon.